the warrior within [it's not easy]


sometimes i wish change were easy. i wish that my desire to be a better individual, a more mature adult, and a more competent and disciplined person - i wish that developed in the ways that my gut instinct often wishes it could.

what do i mean by that?

i mean that sometimes i feel discontentment. that's a broad term - i get it. define it however it fits into your life. for me, it usually feels like "i wish i was doing more, producing more, or more disciplined" (negative thoughts, first of all. thoughts that should sound like: i am doing more than i was yesterday: awesome. i am learning each and every day how to be healthier in every way: awesome. ) 

then i think: if i just had more of a handle on my work tasks and finances - i'd be happy with myself. or if i traveled more, i would feel more knowledgeable. i would feel more accomplished. ugh, you know what...? I feel bored. I don't know how to explain it, i just feel bored with myself, i feel like i need a change, i feel like i'm in a rut. i should cut all my hair off. yeah. or color it. i need to do something drastic and different with myself; maybe i'll get a tattoo. maybe i'll start a different project. maybe... maybe... maybe.

everything above? thoughts. thoughts that have ALL passed through my head at one time or another, many of which are reoccurring. each have nuance differences, but all have commonalities: they are easy. they are so easy.

if your work situation was different - easy. has nothing to do with the internal stuff going on inside you. all external. easy.

oh, if only i traveled more. i used to actually think this... and now, standing on the other side of a trip to Europe, I can tell you - easy. all external. does not change you. is it fun and adventurous and in ways educational? sure. very. but easy. does not evoke change. 

i'm going to chop off my hair, or get a tattoo or get another piercing of some kind - that will make me feel more unique as an individual. that will change how i look at myself: nope. been there, done it. nope. it doesn't. you're the same person, and three days later you feel just as discontent with yourself as you did before. it is all external. it is all easy.

sometimes i wish it were easy and external. i mean, wouldn't that be great? if we could all feel better about ourselves if we just had _____________, or just did________. fill in the blanks. whatever. 

am i picking on you? no. no, i'm picking on myself in a loving way - because I have thought every single of of these things, and i have come to understand, now, at the age of 23, that these are lies. i want to reach back through time and whisper to my younger self: that's the easy road. wrong road to be on, girl. wrong road.


i've come to see, through a lot of sweat and tears, that it has never, and will never have anything to do with the easy and the external. are external things bad? some, yes. no, not all. setting high goals, getting after something, chasing your dream, doing the work, working out, maintaining your health - all good things. huge supporter of those things. but do not look to these things to change you. 

the fact is, it's not even that you need to "change" per se. it's that you need to find out who you really are. a character in my book uses this line that's become one of my favorites: there's a warrior within you. i love this line, and i don't take credit for it. God gave me that line, so if you quote it, don't credit me, credit Him, please. but it's so true... and it's something that i struggled with hardcore as a teenager, and still struggle with to this date. every single day, actually. because i always wish it was easy. i wish it was just that i need to workout more, or work more, or not lose my temper ever, or cut my hair, or travel, or get a tattoo. i wish that were the case. because then my ego could at last sit back and say "ahhh, yes. okay, kate. we're good. we're done. we're perfect. no more to do."

haha. nope

the right road is never easy. the righteous path is never smooth and without resistance. none of the people i look up to had easy paths: my parents, Martin Luther King, Jr. Martin Luther, many Navy SEALS and service members who i greatly respect - i look up to these people because of who they are and what they represent - and they did not become those individuals by taking the easy road. they did not become who they are by making easy choices. they are who they are because they looked inward and took the narrow path, day-by-day.

and you know what, i love myself. i love who i am  and who i continue to become and i love my friends, which include you guys reading this, and i love seeing you all grow and grasp and climb and struggle along with me. but if there's one thing i could say that would stick in your mind and stay with you - if there's one thing i could sear into my own head it would be this:

it's not easy. it's not external. it's not any of the things you see OUTSIDE. it's inside you. there's a warrior inside you, and what you need to be doing is getting quiet with yourself and your maker and figuring out more and more every single day, who that warrior is. because that's who you really are. and that's the only place you're ever going to find any sense of contentment and fulfillment. 


that's what i need to be doing. and if this post is nothing else, let it be a reminder to myself to stop wishing it was easy and external. to look inside myself, not outside. because Papa put a lot inside me, and you, and every single one of us, and i've only begun to scratch the surface of that potential. 

there's a deep reservoir of God-given potential inside each and every single one of us - and that, THAT is what makes us unique. that is what makes us continually become better, more beautiful, confident, competent, disciplined, focused, creative, fun individuals. that's what brings out the warrior within. 

nothing easy and external will ever help us to drink of those deep, sweet waters inside of us. you don't need different clothes or hair, or a different job, or a trip to find contentment. find contentment WITHIN you. within that day-by-day, moment-by-moment discovery of who you really are. because all those good things you aspire to? the potential for their fulfillment is already inside of you. trust that it's in there - not out there.




cheers to a good week,
kate

3 comments:

  1. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL AND SO ARE YOU ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ‘✨

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your passion. You are wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kate, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this.

    ReplyDelete

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