Thursday, May 9, 2019

this body

This body shakes with joy and laughter
This body helps me dance and craft and sing
This body breathes and pulses and lives
This body folds my friends and family into embraces
This body cradles babies
This body holds my lover's hand
This body runs with my dog
Ths body lifts my hands in worship
This body whispers prayers
This body carries me to places I've never been
How could I ever dispise
This body
When this body is one of the greatest miracles I have ever known?
Monday, May 6, 2019

Known by the only One

heart bleeding from a wound 
that will not heal. 
alone...the voices cry 
words that once set your heart ablaze 
now sting like fire on wounds. 
parched lips crack 
from the lack of water 
as your voice wavers.
no one answers you back. 
with your last ounce of strength, 
your tears hit the ground, 
voicing the words 
that no longer come 
from your dry lips.
in a crowd, yet not seen. 
with a friend, yet not heard.
the voices keep painting 
your pain in your head
dear love, what if I told you there is One...
this One saw you
as He spoke the world into existence.
His own Son looked into the Cup. 
in the Cup, He saw you.
And as drops of blood ran down His face, 
He spoke to you, becoming the sacrifice for you. 
The Father does hear and see you, beloved, 
for He is the Perfect One. 
He knows every pain, tear, and fear you have felt. 
why else would His Son die the ultimate death? 
for you
Turn to Him first, for there is no One like our God. 
you are known by Jesus, the Perfect One.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

question everything

slow down. breathe.

we live in a non-stop world. a world that says: go, go, go

go faster

keep going

be better

do more.

but is that really what life is about? like, i don't even have a poetic, cool, bullet-pointy way to say that. the question is blunt and simple: is that what life is really about? 

we live in a fast world, yes, but most of the time we just acknowledge that - rarely do we question it:

should it be a fast world? should we be living a fast-paced life? 

see, it seems like a lot of time when people ask us how we are, we feel almost compelled to answer 'busy' because well...everyone's busy! look how many things we've created to keep ourselves busy with! there's so many!

but society and culture are shaped by patterns. this busy, highschool-college-workforce-family-suburbs-retirement, cycle is just a pattern that a heck of a lot of people have created. it's just like how water makes a groove and then more and more water will follow that groove until it's become an all-out raging river.

i personally think it's a really good idea to step back - to swim to shore and get out of the water and ask ourselves if this is a pattern we even want to be following, or if we want to create something new.

i'm not pointing to school or the workforce by any means and saying it's wrong or bad. i'm just saying that we should be aware of the trajectory of our lives, the unlimited potential inside of us, and question literally everything. it's impossible to ask too many questions, and there are literally no limits to the things we could do, the places we could go, and what we could make!

there's a really beautiful french phrase: raison d'ĂȘtre. and it means "the most important reason or purpose for someone or something's existence."

i think that's a big, beautiful reason. that's something we should be thinking about, asking about, and looking for - even if the means to help us find our raison d'ĂȘtre are completely new, unique, or untested.

life isn't a cycle. it's an endless adventure.

so be bold! ask questions! blaze your own trail!

stay stoked!

Thursday, April 4, 2019

sometimes its hard to live

do you ever have trouble remembering why

you should  b r e a t h e ?

do you ever fight to take a breath

because your   h e a r t  keeps asking is it really worth it?

do you choke over a response

when someone asks "how are you?"

and get so caught up in the lie of

i ' m   f i n e

that you forget to ask them back?

sometimes... its hard to live

its hard to remember what makes life

w o r t h    i t .

i'm here to tell you,

that lie that everyone tells you

to get you to calm down

at least, it feels like a lie

like a promise that no one can keep

like opening your lungs under water

only to find that

there was no air to breathe

its gonna be okay

because i know it feels bleak

God, I know it feels like you're never going to get out

of this pit of darkness

i know it feels like your life isn't worth it anymore

but please. please.   s t a y

you will never be able to change your mind

if you turn your back

on life now

waves come and then go

rain clouds dry of rain

you will wash up on shore

coughing up water

gasping for breath

you will be exhausted

you will be soaked through

and dirty

and cold

you will never be the same.

but you will be alive.

the storm will pass,

and as you cough out salt water from your lungs,

and as you suck in breaths of the cold morning air


that you were worth fighting for

that every second of pain

built up to this moment

when you would be free

and you would feel wind in your hair and the sun on your skin and the grass under your feet

and know

that you did it

you made it

you won the war for your life

the darkness lost.

i know it feels like

you're losing the battle

right now,

and i know

its hard to exist sometimes

so don't make it complicated.

don't worry if you can't do everything

you want to do

for now, breathe

allow yourself

to  just

b r e a t h e
Saturday, March 16, 2019


I whisper that I don't want anything to change
but that's like trying to stop the ocean from coming up on the beach

change isn't a bad thing
it's just a part of life
it's just a part of you

the sky is always changing
from the brightest blue
to the blackest thunderstorms
to the softest orange ripples of sunset
to the palest pink blush of dawn

that doesn't mean the sky isn't to be trusted
it is always steadfast
always there
but always changing

just like you,
are always changing

and it's just a twist in the road
a tempo change in the song
of life

it's life


I know you're young and confused and trapped in one life when you want a thousand more

but this is your life
and yes it's always changing
but that doesn't mean it isn't to be trusted

it's always here
it's always yours

live it.

just some thoughts.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019

whispers in the worry

Body of Water Wave

"You don't have to worry."

This is what He whispers to me, multiple times daily now, when I'm again stuck in a rut of thought that brings me nothing but stress: frantic thoughts about myself, my job, this body, the future.

"You don't have to worry."

Not audible, but clearly heard, a sentiment I don't understand. I want to plan, I want to know, I want to think my way through problems and people and come out with the answer fully formed.

I'm a solver, but there are some things I can't solve. Some things (actually, all things) that I have to give to Him to handle. When I start worrying about the next day's tasks or the future of a relationship or what people might think of me, I forget that He's right here, ready to whisper words of peace to me.

"You don't have to worry."


Some lovely links to brighten your day and bring some peace:

With love,
Friday, March 8, 2019

I Am Creatively Busy

I'm very busy is a general phrase.

I'm creatively busy is a more accurate phrase.

I run two blogs, am learning by lectures and studying, and maintain a healthy lifestyle that keeps me emotionally and physically engaged. I spend a lot of time doing things that I am passionate about. Most of the things that keep me busy happen to be creative things! And hence the phrase creatively busy is made.

All these things are solely me focused.

I am busy being creative is not an excuse to not get together or make times for other things. It is the lifestyle I am living. I am one of the many who lives this kind of lifestyle. I am one of the many that is going to change the world. I am busy in the best of ways and I love it. You are someone with the power to change the world, yourself, and others for better. Use your time in ways that stand out.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

GIRL (revisited)

It's been a couple years and you've grown and changed
And you're so different in so many ways
But in so many ways, you're still the same

Old habits die hard
And your source of identity has always been a little skewered
By whether or not you performed well enough
On any given day

Perfectionism is your vice
Your arch-nemesis
Your crutch

Heart black and blue and bruised
With the words you weaponize against yourself
Tongue pointed like a loaded gun
Who gave you the right to speak as though you aren't a miracle?

Your hands still shake
And somewhere along the way
The courage you inked on your palms got a bit smudged

You stopped believing you were a mountain shaker
When those mountains didn't immediately move
And that warhead brain of yours
Finally detonated with an atomic blast that leveled you

The nights you spent weeping for the trial to end
The moments you fought for every breath
The days you put one shaking foot in front of the other
If only because you didn't know what else to do

Can't you see that you are holy?
Called forth and created by a God who loves you
Who left paradise to seek you out in the wilderness
Untangled you from the darkness and brought you into His light?

He breathed life into your lungs and spun you into being
And declared, “It is good.”
Not because you're good on your own
But because He always speaks over us the beauty of what He's created us to be

Can you believe that grace was made
For someone exactly like you
The you that doesn't read the Word enough
The you that doesn't sit in the pew enough

The you who calls yourself a backslider and a heathen
The you who wishes you could be sweeter, kinder, better, perfect
The you who wants to rise up with faith
But so often, falls into doubt instead

Don't you see?
It was never up to you to form your own version of righteousness
Only to cling to that which He bled and died to give you

It's you whom He loves
The messy you with the tainted hands and banged up heart
The you who can't look yourself in the eyes without
Finding something you wish you could change

He loves you

The you who snaps at her mom
The you who is a lackluster friend
The you with the road rage

He loves you

The you who holds open doors for old ladies
The you who buys lunch for the homeless man on the corner
The you who sings those worship songs on Sundays

His love isn't based on a screwed up system
Of behavior modification that leaves a put together exterior
While the soul rots underneath
Because you know what, girl?

His love is never based on you
It's simply placed on you

He loves you, girl

He loves you

He loves you


Don't forget it  


Thursday, February 14, 2019

An Open Letter to Sensitive Souls

Oh my dear sensitive soul,

You’re not too much to handle. You can offer so much.

Sometimes the world is too much for you. Perhaps more often than not. The sounds and the lights and the voices become a harsh and unwelcome hurricane of stimulus—the walls cave in and your head and heart  pounds and the only thing that can calm you is isolation, or headphones, or sleep.

You’re not crazy. You’re not selfish for withdrawing to yourself and to silence. You are taking care of yourself, your body and your mind, and one day those around you will come to understand that. Especially if they love you. Have grace with those who are trying to understand. And hope with them, because this pain won’t last forever.

Your sensitivity, though it may seem like a curse, is a gift.

You notice subtle things that not many people see…In the midst of a crowd, you hear conversations and phones typing and glasses clinking and songs playing. You feel the bass of the music in the core of your body, the sweeping of someone’s arm against yours, the rubbing of cloth against your skin. In the midst of a forest, you hear the calls of animals that are soft and vague, even the wind combing through the brush and the leaves, and you can virtually feel the life of the woods, things growing and dying. It is a gift, a superpower, to be able to feel and hear and see so many small and yet extraordinary things.

You feel so deeply…Your love and your passion and your hurt dive deep within your soul, and as much as it may overwhelm you, you are experiencing life in an achingly full and beautiful way. The process of life and growth will guide you in understanding how to live through and with these feelings in a healthy and whole way. All you have to do is seek that understanding.

You may experience guilt and shame in a way that sinks into your very bones—things you’ve thought, things you’ve said, things you’ve done, don’t fade away over time but continually grasp you by the throat. Those things can only haunt you, however, if they remain in your mind; if they do, they continue to define you. Maybe try visualizing them all, one by one, thrown into a bonfire that crackles at dusk beside a still lake. Watch them as they crack and crumple and turn to ash. If they come up again, watch it again as it dives into the fire, and listen to the burning of everything that holds you back from a beautiful and whole life.

And perhaps most significantly, you feel others’ emotions as though they were your own. Someone walks in the door and you are hit with the force of their inner turmoil or joy. Just watching the face of stranger in a coffee shop illuminates their emotion; you notice when someone lies about feeling okay. Surrounded by a group of people, you may be inundated with the weight of their collective feelings to the point at which you feel like you’re drowning; sometimes, it may only take one person to send you spinning.

Sometimes, the world is too much. 

It’s okay.

Your sensitivity doesn’t define you.

Your heart—your sacred, beautiful heart—does.

Let that be a reason not to harden yourself. Darling, never lose your sensitivity.

~ Hannah 

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." ~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Wednesday, January 30, 2019

watch your thoughts

words are a gift. not only that, words are a powerful gift.

words are weapons,
they are fire,
they are rocket fuel.

and as such they should be used wisely. they shouldn't be thrown around for fun, or deployed without a second thought. be careful not only of what you say to others, but be aware and careful of what you say to you talk to yourself. start there.

don't down-talk. not even playfully. not even as a joke. never mess around with that, it's way too important. acknowledge the good and the sacred within yourself and respect that by never, never talking yourself down.

words are important. what we say to ourselves is important, and not only that, but it shapes our future. this has always stuck with me:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

few words are as true as these. if you do nothing else this year, bring a little more awareness to your words and how you use them to talk to yourself.

stay stoked!
Sunday, January 27, 2019

you're safe

I know it's hard sometimes.

when you're in the dark
all alone
and the world is closing in from all sides

worst of all, you're trapped in your mind
and your mind is even worse than the world
it's a prison, cold and echoing

but only if you let it fall away from your hands
away from your heart
away from the fire in your soul that lit your eyes up as a child


and now I know you want to
go away
get away
from it

but don't

even when it's dark and cold and echoing—

capture your mind
hold it in your trembling hands
whisper the truth even through the dark

you are not alone
you are not alone

you are safe.

there is a presence, soft and comforting
close your eyes and breathe
you can feel it
wrapping you up like a hug
like strong and careful arms

you are not alone

the darkness is not tangible
only an absence of the light

close your eyes and
don't think.
just feel.

feel that you are not alone
b r e a t h e

you're safe.

it's okay to be scared sometimes. 
but remember that you are greater than any fear.

- abbie

Thursday, January 24, 2019


Watching myself change is captivating.

I’ve seen my mood change
my outlook

I have seen the bad days turn into sunshine
and then
the sunshine be taken away by something

It’s almost scary how fast I change
One minute I feel like myself
the next I don’t know the soul in the body

Friday, January 11, 2019


Today, you are free to be a parent to yourself.

No matter who your parents were to you--

Whether they cherished you and saw you as the pearl that you are,

Or whether they never truly saw you,

Whether they became a foundation on which you built a strong, secure soul,

Or whether they offered you nothing to work with,

Whether they championed your push into the unknowns of growing older,

Or whether they pushed you into it without a champion,

Trust me.
They were only giving you what they had in themselves to give.

The Father is giving you permission to embrace yourself with His mother-father heart.

You can hold the little one within yourself, crying without relief, and know that you are holding that child with a never-ending, never-lacking, always-there, Love.

He is there.
Tuesday, January 8, 2019

anxious butterflies

The anxiety colored butterflies have stopped flapping their wings as fast as they were. My body no longer feels the need to run when I am not at ease. Instead, I stand in the midst of the snow barefoot and remind myself that I'm fine. The butterflies are finding safe branches to rest on.

Those safe branches feel steady. They aren't going to move on their own. If they were to move it'd be by a force outside of their control. That, I am okay with. I will be still while things appear safe. Those butterflies will rest.

I am starting to walk upright again. There is less anxious movement and instead it's replaced with inclined feelings. It's as if the winter is layering the world with white fluff that is okay to fall into. The anxious butterflies are being put to sleep until spring and the bones in my body are awaken by a delicate chill.

It's going to be okay-- those anxiety colored butterflies are settling and will eventually be put to sleep.

The first paragraph was written from words that I wrote in my journal. The rest was inspired by those words. Anxiety is something we are all fighting. More and more I notice people sharing their battles with it. I just wanted to say that it's okay to feel anxious, it makes you human and you shouldn't feel ashamed of it. <3

- vanessa