Monday, January 29, 2018

Beloved Child


You are more.

More than enough.

You are the one He gave His life for.

You are the one whose very existence means He is breathing love into you.

Everything you're going through is for a purpose. God's not through with you.

He loves you. You are His, and He is yours. You're a beloved daughter, beautiful in every way.

No matter what comes, He will be faithful. And you can hold on. He will give you the grace, the love, and the peace you need so desperately right now.

When you're broken on the ground, you will be found by the One who never leaves the one behind. He leaves the ninety-nine to chase after you, darling one.

So, whatever is true...

Whatever is noble...

Whatever is right...

Whatever is pure...

Whatever is lovely...

Whatever is admirable...

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy in your life today (and He always is!)...

Think about such things. Think about them and then praise Him for them, daughter.

You're a child of the Most High God, and He holds your every moment, every breath, in His everloving, ever-faithful arms.

If you need a starting place to think about truth today, let these words wash over you.

Monday, January 22, 2018


if the world goes one way, i will go the other. 

i will be the nail that sticks up while the others are pounded down, 

the lighthouse as the angry waves crash against it. 

i will swim against the current, 

i will rail against the ebb and flow, 
i will riot, 
i will scream. 

i will do nothing like the rest.
i relate to no one. i am unrelatable.

i lie awake writhing in this world,
i am lonely in this foreign land,
who are these faces, these voices, 
what is this degradation we call normal?

all this darkness,
disguising itself as light.

if this is normal, you can have it
i'd rather be a freak.

i'd rather be the one to stand,
and call the darkness out,
call it out for what it is.

i am nothing like the rest. 
i will climb the highest mountain, and swim the vastest sea
to do everything they won't do.
and i will be the martyr before i do
one single thing
they do. 

another brick in the wall.

told told
what to think

told told
what to feel

told told
who they are

i will not be
told told

i am the wreaking ball smashing through.
i am the wreaking ball who refuses to be a brick

i will burn the white flag 
before i will ever raise it

because the day i give in is the day i shall sink
but i cannot sink

for i am the ocean; raging, raging:

"wake up, wake up..."

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Let My Heart Speak

Exhausted by the weight of the world that I’ve chosen to shoulder.
Everything I do must be good enough for someone, must be pleasing or right or noble or sensible.

Look at me, Mama! Look at me, Daddy! Ain’t I doing good?

Even when there is no one around, I feel the eyes of invisible faces watching my every move, analyzing and criticizing.
I just want to do it right for once.
My heart beats fast in the fear that clutches me when I ponder the ways I’ve been missing the mark.
The cycle is endless, this story of performance. Performing even when the blinding lights shut off, the lilting music fades, and the scrutiny is over.

I stare at the cursor on the broad white screen.
Blink. Blink. Blink.
It daunts me and dares me to type out something that will wow the crowd, chaining me to the keyboard with the motivation of making a sensation, not emptying my heart.

Or is my heart already empty?

No. My heart is churning with story. It is churning with magic and wonder and love.
My heart has something to say.
And it will say it, even if only within itself. Even if it is only to be stored in a folder within a folder within another folder and is never revealed to another soul.

Finally, I will let my heart speak.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018


every day we open our eyes. we breathe deep, we close them again. we breath in, in, in. what does it smell like? cotton and coffee brewing rooms away. we begin to feel; fingers and toes awaken. we move our tongue, swallow, yawn, press our lips together. 43 facial muscles, with which we can smile, laugh, yell, sing, speak. live.

we are so much power. we are limitlessness, wiping the sleep from our eyes, cuddling deeper into the sheets. we are explosions waiting to happen - meteors, streaking the sky.

we've been given rest; restoration. hours of soft breathing and rejuvenation, swept away in unconsciousness. but we are awake now. it is morning now -  a new day, and from here onward, we decide. 

we can choose:





self love,


we create our day, our day doesn't create us. we decide how we live; we decide who we are. with each inhale, we affirm one or the other. each beat of our heart is a battle cry, proclaiming our identity. we live, we move, we have our being in something so much bigger than ourselves; He is our identity. 

so open your eyes, sweet soul. it's morning, hello, wake up.

and choose

choose joy, my love.

- k. a. 

Monday, January 1, 2018

roaring, roaring [i am not from here]

i am a flame.

i am nothing like you. i don't know how to relate to you - i can't. i don't know you, i don't know your ways, tired, pulsing, turning world. people; mere specters. i don't know them, i don't know their ways.

i feel so alone when i am with them. i am nothing like them.

i am the forest. i am the gray, blue, angry sky. i am the storm; the rain falling over the open prairie. i am the void of space, the outer limits. no one understands me. no one understands.

i am the outcast. i am the wind tearing through the fingers of the trees praising God. I am the voice of the ocean, screaming, roaring, throwing itself against the rocks.

why are they sleeping? why are they sleeping? why are they sleeping? i scream with every crashing wave

i do not understand the world. i do not relate to it. i do not know it. i am alone within it; a foreigner. a vagrant. a nomad. an anomaly.

they will hate you, they will turn and tear you to pieces. for you are not like them, my love. children of the matrix hate the ones born of reality. 

i am a flame; fire. roaring, roaring.

wake up, wake up, wake up, wake i howl with the wolves

i will burn and burn and burn down the forest. and i don't care if no one understands. for whether they understand or not, they will still feel the heat.

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." - c.s. lewis

i don't understand the world and am not from here. 

- k. a.