dear shame























 Dear Shame,

I admit you're a subtle lover. I've been living with you for so long, I barely even notice that you're there. Except for the weight of you clinging to my shoulders at 2 AM when it's just you, me, and my regret.

If you were a person, you would be that bad boy on the corner, flashing a smile and a wink. All charm on the outside, rotten personality underneath. I think my mama warned me about ones like you some time ago, but, oh, you draw me in with the way you sweet talk, “Filthy, dirty, worthless, how could you do this, why did you do this, you are disgusting, you knew better and you did it anyway, forget about being forgiven, nobody can stomach loving you, least of all God.”

Yup, it's an REO Speedwagon, Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore, kind of sick the way you want me, the way I keep holding on to you, sort of want to leave, but you manipulate me into staying, in love with the way you chain me to the past, kind of sort of done with you, Shame.

Shame, this is your eviction notice. There's a new set of tenants taking up residence in the chambers of my soul. Don't try to fight it. You don't stand a chance against Grace.

See, Grace is backed up by Mercy, and Mercy comes with Forgiveness for my sins. Whenever you try to speak up, Love shouts that it matters what I choose now, not what I chose then.

Shame, you call me dirty.
He calls me pure.

You call me worthless.
He calls me Beloved.

You say I am unforgiven.
He says He has cast my sins as far as the East is from the West.

You tell me I have to keep paying penance.
He says the debt has already been paid in full.

You say I can never leave the past behind.
He calls me free.

You call me wicked.
He calls me holy.

He calls me holy. That is my name as a blood-bought, forgiven, and loved daughter of the King. 

Blood was spilled for my reconciliation. Love covered the multitude of my sin. He took my filthy rags and clothed me in righteousness instead. The mistakes I make now, yesterday, or even next week, have no hold on me because I belong to Christ.

Shame, I'm no longer accepting rent from you. My identity is not based on you, not on the things I do. It is safe in the One who delights in showing mercy. He loves me and because He loves me, He forgives me, and because He forgives me, I have no use for you.

Goodbye to shame, goodbye to hiding, goodbye to guilt.

Hello, love.

Hello, healing.

Hello, freedom.



Peace out,

Ashlyn.

10 comments:

  1. Literally crying right now.

    Shame has been something I've struggled with, and this post was another step for me to finally letting go. Because no matter what I feel like I need to fix or change so that I am "worthy" of God's love, it just doesn't work like that. That kind of love can't be earned, it can't be achieved if you could have just changed *this*, but there are no strings attached. We are already loved and pure because He says we are. <3

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    Replies
    1. Oh, Laura, I am so happy that this touched you! I, too, have and am struggling with shame. Daily, I have to remind myself that Jesus didn't just die for my sins, He died so I would be free from guilt and shame as well. We are both so loved and cherished by God, we just have to keep clinging to that!

      Thank you so much for this comment, it means so much <3

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  2. Uhhhh, woah Ashlyn.
    WHY IS SHAME SUCH A BULLY?!?!
    Thank you so much for these beautiful words- they spoke loudly and deeply.
    love love love!!

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  3. like totally speechless... this is AMAZING. Your write beautifully <3

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  4. I have no words. This is so powerful.

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