I'm scared of the night

I've been hiding from the night.

Night always has a way of getting me thinking.
But I don't want to think.
I don't want to feel.
So why not just hide?

I can keep my mind busy,
Push my thoughts away,
Stay inside the protected bubble I've made for myself,
And not have to deal with it.

Right..?

It's easier this way.
Avoiding the questions that are placed in your mind.
Avoiding anything that might bring you pain.
Avoiding anything that could cause you confusion.

But that can only last for so long, can't it?

So here I sit.
In the dark.
I'm facing the night.
And I'm scared.

I don't know what I'm scared of.
Maybe it's the feelings that I don't want to deal with.
A broken heart.
Growing up.

I don't know.

But here I am.
Hanging on to Jesus.
Asking Him to hold me tight.
Here I go.

-aaliyah xx