Monday, September 5, 2016

honest honest honest

i want to be honest with you, for a moment here. honest (it's a word my tongue and heart alike still fumble with).

these days have been hard, lately. they've been a war between truth and this anxiety - what is real? what is not? constant.

people keep asking me how things are going and i struggle with 1. putting words together, and 2. how real the words should be.

but 1. if i could put the words together, and 2. if the words were really real, they might sound something like

my name is Not Okay today, the battle between me and my brain is located on the corner of Scraped Up and Why, and it's all feeling a little pointless, and i don't know what i'm doing with my life right now, and i don't know where i'm going - i don't even remember how i got here - and i'm not very good with words, and i'm not very good with relationships, and there are a lot of can'ts in my life at the moment, and it's all very draining, and not very fun, and not something i like doing on my own but isolation is marketed as "More Forgiving! Easy Peasy! Perfect!" by My Brain and so i allow the distance even though i don't like it and i don't know how to stop it, and,

it's hard fighting yourself, day in and day out, without running out of breath,
or energy,
or hope.
ya know?

and maybe, you do know. maybe your days have been heavy and hard lately, too.
maybe you've been having to fight your brain a lot lately, too.
spoiler alert: you're going to win this battle. it might take a little bit of time. but you will. you will, because 1. you are not alone, and 2. you are strong, and 3. you have a story to tell. these days aren't going to get the better of you, we won't allow that.

and i don't know if any of this makes any sense at all, my brain is messy: it makes transposing thoughts and words difficult.
but, you will make it out of today alive and well, and we'll tackle tomorrow when it gets here. we'll take this slow and steady. we'll be okay.

hope will try to slip out the kitchen window today, so follow it. trace it back to community and open air.
isolation and dark thoughts suffocate in sunshine and honesty and hands held high.
that's where we must take this battleground.

stay alive, friends. it's worth it. i promise.

grace eva

[ now, listen to this ]


  1. I can't express how much I needed this today. Thank you so much. <3

  2. yes. just yes. let's suffocate the isolation and darkness with sunshine and honesty. i love your writing - i love how honest and vulnerable you are in this post, and how encouraging it is in it's brokenness, because sometimes brokenness can be the most inspiring of all.

  3. I really needed this. Thank you for reminding me that I can take on this week and I am not alone! :)

    Have a great week!

    With love and all joy,
    Allie D.

  4. I needed this SO much. Thank you to infinity and beyond, Grace! ♥♥♥


  5. You may say that you struggle with putting words together, but I think that your words are wonderful. They are so raw and vulnerable and full of beauty, and I cannot express my love for this enough.

  6. "spoiler alert: you're going to win this battle" mantra ♥♥♥

    gracie you are a lion heart and this is a whirlwind. this is needed in megaphones from rooftops.

  7. THIS IS SO POWERFUL! I love how this blog is looking. Ah you guys are awesome!

  8. This is so radical. I needed this. These bones needed that. You just blew the dust off my hope maker. Stay alive friend, and keep writing. 💗 -JR

  9. "my name is Not Okay today"

    love this.

  10. I was going to pick my favorite quote out of this to gush about, but I couldn't because I love all of it. What a beautiful reminder to all of us darkness fighters <3